Accountants do it with numbers.

I’m at a party, without my wife. I happen to start talking about my wife. Suddenly everyone wanted to know more about my wife. Where is she from? What does she cook for dinner? Would she wear open toe shoes with knee length skirts?

 

I’m at a business networking event. I happen to mention my wife. Everyone wants to know about her Network. What kind of organizations does she work with? What kind of charity work does she do? When will she be in Europe again?

 

I’m chatting with a business contact, who has never met my wife. They say to me “we are having an end of season party and we would love it if your wife could make it.” You can come along with her if you like!”

 

I was being interviewed by someone for a report they were doing. I have never met this person before. At the end of the interview, they look at my wedding ring and say “I see you are married, tell me about your wife?”

 

This has to be what’s like to be married to a supermodel. Who would want to talk about a guy when his wife is on the cover of multiple magazines at the same time? Are they that beautiful when they wake up in the morning? Do they cook? Do they get to take guests to those exotic locations?

 

My wife isn’t a supermodel, which she will gladly admit to. What seems to attract people’s interest is that she is an accountant.

 

That’s right, an accountant. The profession that put Al Capone behind bars. The people at the IRS you don’t want to talk to. The ones that can take a $4 billion dollar sale and turn it into a $6 billion dollar loss.  The characters played by Gene Wilder and Matthew Broderick the movie versions of “The Producers”. One of them.

 

When you become a dad, your existence becomes three tasks: put it together, clean it up, drive us someplace. Apparently somewhere along the line “task creep” set in and “pencil behind the accountant’s ear” was added to my world.

 

“Are going to the meeting with that thing in your hair?”

“Oh, sorry that’s just my husband. Good thing you noticed before the client got here.”

 

I’ve been wondering if I need a plan to try to resolve this. There are a few aspects about myself I’d like to discuss: my M.B.A, my successful diversified work experience, my hobbies and interests.

 

Then again, is being adding machine candy such a bad thing?